Poems Ai'd

 Christmas Poem

A King Is Born to Us Today

A King is born to us today.
"Ha! Where in the world?" we ask the way.
In fear we wander through the night,
Searching, peering, squinting for the light.
But where, O where, is our Jesus?

Death stalks the night, musty and cold.
Around each tenement, darkness grows bold.
Women in the streets with nothing to hide,
Men are lured and broken by desire and pride.
But where, O where, is our Jesus?

Homeless men sleep in cardboard boxes,
Hopelessly shuffling from street to street.
Forlorn, they beg a stranger for alms,
Living in filth, as once He lay in a manger.
But where, O where, is our Jesus?

Hospital beds are filled with despair.
Patients, without hope, out the window stare.
Each passing day the pain grows stronger;
Relief seems distant, waiting ever longer.
But where, O where, is our Jesus?

The rich man's Ferrari gleams in the sun,
His Armani suit impeccably worn.
Life by the sea in perfect display,
Every step, every glance carefully arranged.
But where, O where, is our Jesus?

Before the dawn the working man rises,
Sleepy and weary, he silently trudges.
To a thankless job he faithfully goes,
Spending to live, with little to show.
Long are the hours, and small is the reward.
But where, O where, is our Jesus?

Put faith upon the lips of the sinner.

The plight of man—original sin—
Fills us with sorrow from deep within.
Our lives are burdened with grief and pain,
Longing for treasures we never attain.
When our paths grow dim and our vision blurs,
Where, O where, are You, O Jesus?

Upon the rubble of despair stand:

The homeless man.
The hospital man.
The addict.
The broken family.
The rich man.
The working man.

All are looking through the window of despair.

Yet Christ is not absent.

He is with the homeless in the cold.
He is beside the sick in the night.
He walks with the worker before the dawn.
He calls the sinner to repentance.
He humbles the rich and lifts the poor.

The Child of Bethlehem still comes to us,
Not in palaces, but in hearts that seek Him.

So let us not ask only,

"Where, O where, is our Jesus?"

For Christmas answers:

He is here.

 

The Mirror of Man

What fearful, screaming place of awe—
This earth, this dust, where we are born.
We journey through this fateful life,
Still striving ever, yet forlorn.
We grasp at things both known and strange,
And find ourselves by pride outworn.

I gaze into the mirror, seeking
A face of faith to look on me;
Yet only shadows meet my eyes,
Their promise fading endlessly.
My hope is scattered like the wind,
Until a Savior searches me.

Perhaps the One I longed to find
Had sought my wandering soul instead.
This very day He called my name
And raised my heart once thought to be dead.
The Shepherd found His straying lamb
And gently home my footsteps led.

The despair of man lies now defeated;
The nights of hopelessness have passed.
My God stooped down to meet me here,
A love too boundless to outlast.
I gaze into the mirror now
And see my faith reflected fast.

For there I find my living Christ—
My Jesus: loving, glorious, magnificent.

The Glint in My Eye

The glint in my eye—that precious hope:
Jesus comes someday.

The glint on my hands, found in work and in play.

The glint of the moon, as I write
Through quiet shadows of gray.

The glint on the road
Reveals the paths of dismay.

The glint of my sin
Would send me to hell, they say.

The glint of forgiveness—
My sins cast far away.

The glint in my soul
Still longs to repay.

The glint in my heart
Knows there is no way.

The glint of God's mercy,
So boundless each day.

The glint of heaven's jewels,
Its streets of gold on display.

And the glint of my hope
That my precious Jesus comes today.

Death's Door

Death's door swings open wide,
For we must enter, our feet to slide.
Beyond the vale we come to find
Young and old, short and tall, all in line.

Our journey through life is full of despair,
Toiling with weary hands, repairing with care.
Sickness approaches at every turn;
Another simple breath we fail to earn.

At times we live with hearts so joyous:
A baby born, a wedding glorious.
Strolling through fields of amber grain,
Skipping through puddles in a Spanish rain.

A delicate balance of lows and highs,
Falling, stumbling, then reaching the skies.
How can we live in a world so indifferent,
Where at every turn men grow belligerent?

Heavy is Death's Door, darkly tinted,
Its ancient wood with splinters weather-wrinkled.
Many are the souls that passed this way,
Never to return, forever and a day.

The door now leisurely closes;
One final gasp the truth discloses:
We cannot halt it in the end—
Eternity in heaven or hell we'll spend.

The choice lies plain for all to hear,
To choose while living, not ruled by fear.
The path decided forevermore—
Oh, stop! Creaking, closing, relentless door!

The final glimpse of life we keep,
A few inches more as our loved ones weep.
Has the tempting harlot claimed our soul,
Leading us far from the One made whole?

The door now shuts—not with a slam,
But the quiet, sighing hush of a lamb.
A lifelong journey through love and hate;
Beyond the vale we await our fate.

Christmas Doxology

 Christmas time a Savior born (sarah)

               Oft times we dismiss through sin and strife

We know by heart the cold, dark morn

               The Incarnate Christ who gave us life.

 

Glad tidings bring far and near (mom)

               Our hope, our joy, our wondrous fear

The lonely manger that kept the child

               Emblaze our Savior so meek and mild

The wintry, dreary Holy Night (joshua)

    A virgin birth - a Son so bright

But we afore, all men forlorn

    Our hope fulfilled, Emmanuel born.

Hallelujah the world now shouts (lolo)

    Israel's Son born in Bethlehem

What, you wonder is this about?

    A priceless Savior, a brilliant Gem.

Snow calmly falling among the trees (steph)

    Hope answered, the Christmas story

And our hearts we pray to appease

    God's Son born to manifest glory

The Joy of Jesus Birth we see (steph2022)

    A calmness of the night

Our glorious Savior nailed to a tree

    Proclaim his Love from dark to light.

A dreary night, a time so boring, (sarah2022)

    But a bright light shining that maybe

We never forget the familiar story

    Of God born as a humble and Glorious baby 

The angels cry out "Glory" so deafening (josh2022)

    Their bright light proclaim a Savior born

The shepherds weary and alone sitting

    Then joyous hearts leaping this wondrous morn.

Glory to God in the highest (Mom2022)

    The angels proclaim the birth of a lamb

Our Father gives us our King, the best

    Wonderful Savior, triumphant God-man.

The ressurection of Jesus our faith rely  (assurance)

And on the cross our sins on Christ die

The beginning our Savior as a child lives

Glory to Bethlehem, salvation gives 

Christmas-time, a season of gift giving

God's gift, the Messiah, makes life worth living.

Another titanic gift God has made,

Is the gift that saves, our priceless faith.

In despair we live life and a day

Sometimes our faith once strong, gives way

Grasping for salvation we work forlorn

But God's great gift, a Savior, a baby born

2023=============================================

Our savior sits at God's right hand 2023 Joshua

Saints and angels and all cause to stand

Began many year ago on a cold quiet morn

Our savior, sin's death was silently born

One cannot believe the Christmas Story 2023 Stephanie

A baby born to bring His Father Glory

We with hushed wonder why God would give

His Begotten son to die that we might live.

The baby born set our hearts aflame2023 Sarah

He lives to die to set us free

Immanuel, Messiah thy glorious Name

Gladly, lovingly, lowly kneel to thee

The agony on the cross for all to see2023 Mom

That our Jesus saves us and dies for thee

Began in a town in a manger that night

God's wondrous gift, a child, our Christmas light.

Steph 2024

The angels surround and around this Christmas morn

Winds quietly whispering a celestial sound

Shepherd and sheep know our King is born

All bow down, adore, worship on royal ground

Joshua 2024

Offered at the cross for the sins we make

To satisfy God's wrath, His life to take

For unto us a child

Born in a stable meek and mild

Sar 2024

The barn framed against the moon-filled night

Dark and cold as stars arrayed in shards of light

But a candle flickering through straw and hay

In the manger, God's begotten son, our Savior lay

Donna 2024

The brilliant star, afar, from the east

Guides the kings to search the child

Ruler, King ,Priest and born the least

Manifest power begins as a baby so mild

Biblical Doxology

 Biblical Doxology - 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with

every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.

                                                                - Ephesians 1:3

For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.  To Him be glory forever. Amen.

                                                                - Romans 11:36

Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.

                                                                - Ephesians 5:14

He was manifested in flesh, vindicated by the Spirit, seen by angels, proclaimed among the nations,

believed on in the world, taken up in glory.

                                                                  - 1 Timothy 3:16

My Doxology

I love you my God!

 My Doxology for God alone

 My hands are lifted high in praise

               My God who deserves it so

For struggles seem to hide His grace

               Exalt Him from whom all blessings flow.

======================================================== 

Total Depravity

The best sins so very foul  (T)

    Darken my weary soul

Say I, Free Will! I must, I save!

    A millions years, never! But to the grave.

Adam and Eve befell the Devil's spell.

    Our federal head's deadly destiny for a lie 

Why O why can't I  salvation compel

    Through my power and strength still to die.

Unconditional Election

Why does He choose me so? (U)

               The answer I cannot find.

My good manners and manifest power show?

               No! His good pleasure and unrevealed mind.

The love of God is oh so pure

    that before the world's foundation

Even finding the path to hell so sure

    His perfect mercy bought my salvation

Limited Atonement 

Oh what a terrible curse is Adam’s fall (L)

               The Triune’s plan before creation doth atone.

But hath Christ saved the world, all in all?

               Nay! The King died for His sheep alone.

Christ died for all, states the universalist

    For God so loved the world

But wait, not so says the Christian purist

    He calls only His own whose ears unfurled

    

Irresistible Grace (Effectual Calling)

 Run hard, run swift, run far away  (I)

    From my Savior who dearly waits

But His love tempts me to stay

    Until the Gospel's demand He creates

God draws me to His kingdom by force

    Kicking and screaming my back to the wall

Yet His kind mercy, a matter of course

    Yields mine heart to His effectual call

Perseverance of the Saints

Jesus loves me, I cannot tell  (P)

    One foot in heaven, one foot in hell

But the Lord has sealed me forevermore

    To walk with Him upon eternity's Celestial shore.

Not knowing our hope is sadness

    But God preserves to finish the race

Our soul finds joyful gladness

   As we gaze into His glorious face

=======================================================

The cross, atoning justification

    The head bowed low, knees gently bent

Crucified in gross supplication

    God! Yet man His blood hath spent!

A desolate and wicked corpse am I

    God's righteous wrath ruins me

Sins so foul never escape His eye

    Man O man cannot from His justice flee.

My love of Christ even a minute finds me wanting

    Sin prevents, my scheming heart prolong

But the Spirit set's the soul a-searching

    For the hope within my heart belong

But the Spirit set's my soul a-craving

    For a sliver of true love that is oh so strong

Our God, great Savior how can this be?

    Your love for the elect never wavers.

Abundant thanks for opening our eyes to see

    All worthless sinners for the Word to save us.

You rule in absolute sovereignty

    An iron hand your justice stands

And you demand from us glorious piety

   Tenderly bestow grace as your love commands

My sin, Adam's sin a disaster

    Forever destined, the curse of death

But assuredly saved by the Master

   Our joy as far as heaven's breadth

The Love of Christ that never fails  (valentines day)

    Our joyous refrain unfold the way

His hands pounded, pierced by spike and nails

    Proclaim His raging love this Valentine's day.

Truly God and truly human

    Incarnate Christ authors our salvation

Alas disobedience rejects His communion

    Still bestows mercy to a chosen nation.

Difficult not to praise Your sovereign grace,

    My soul, in love with you my Savior

Thou affectionate smile at my homely face

    Find joy in forgiven fault and unmerited favor.

There must be other paths to God - the almighty

    Christ is not enough so they say

A blasphemous lie, a godly catastrophe 

    Jesus is the Truth, the Life and the ONLY Way

Pure heaven our joyful assurance

    In that your mercy and love explode

Bestows our soul a hopeful endurance

    Forever thanks, our praises flow

Impotent God knows not what the future hold

    He cannot guarantee the outcome

Arminian man has the will to be so bold

   And God to him win's some and lose some.

Justification alone is absurd Finney says

    We have the power not to sin

But no matter how and in so many ways

    Sin always overtakes us and Oh Man! never to win

Our lives are always running forward

    In an effort to praise You

And our hearts always moving toward

    A furious love that springs anew

Should we throw the Law away

    The old covenant now so stale

But His commandments we still obey

    For God's true nature does not fail

The ineffable love of God (or God's ineffable love so true

    Too much for our minds to bear

 But our voices rejoice so bold

   That nothing in the universe compares

Satan's shames us attacks everything and in between

    But once and for all our conscience reprieved

    The mighty Blood of Christ washes us clean

From eternal guilt we are cleaved/grieved

  

True faith a gift from God so glorious

    Sinners, so hard to always believe

Try to live our lives for Jesus vicarious

    Honor, praise and glory in return we give.

Faith, God's gift so undeserved

    Yet we strive not to receive it

Covenant promise given without reserve

    Compel our grateful hearts to submit

A great gift, a beautiful Mom  (Mother's Day)

    The heavens raises a joyful dove

A sister in Christ builds a wonderful home

    Signed and sealed with love from above

The greatness of a Mother can always be (Mother's Day)

    Shining, stunning with a crown of glory    

God's unique gift for eyes to see

    Truly fits in His redemptive Story

Mother's Day 2024(Stephanie)

A wise mother is a family's strength,

    And working hands will surely show

That God's love has no width or length,

   His grace for her, fills to overflow.

Mother's day 2023 (for Donna)

A mother's love that will not fail,

    God's mercy and grace for her to avail.

A husband's heart that swells with pride,

    No doubt, wed again his glorious bride.

God has granted me a glorious gift.

Undeserved, yet my heart it lifts,

To wonderous heights of passion so giving

And without her my life not worth living,

For my wife graciously blessed from above

Never to forget, always to cherish, always to love.

Happy Birthday! 20230927

=======Retreat==========

 Sadness through this weekend came

       Lives falling in a confused tangle

Men living with vigorous regret and shame

    Reaching, grasping for heaven's example 

Still stands in our way is one perilous fault

    To be dealt with at a desperate pace

Once destroyed, open heaven's vault

   And see our Father's magnificent face.

Always life finds us wanting

    God hides not from us, eternally there

Man's search undone, ever failing 

     Our hearts for God alone, we cannot spare

      

The maturity of men, difficult to find

    .A spiritual journey, life's gruesome test

Obstacles of every different kind

    Persevere 'til death but still not our best

The Easter message ever rings true

    Christ, a sniless life for thrity three years

On Calvary's hill blood shed for our lives anew

    Removes our wordly fears.

Justified by His love for us

    Can we  truly ever know

Our Savior in whom we trust

 He gave His life, our God! To truly show

==============Pain ============

Life deals me a bitter defeat

    God's plan I did not meet

But along with profound agony

    My Lord opened my eyes to see

That I control not my fate

Still His care gentle and great

Feebly my aching heart wants more

Ably to crawl, to climb, to soar.

Where O God, I find no trace?

    Far from my stinging soul

Find not your kind, forbearing face

    In my world so greedy and foul 

But 'tis I who cannot find

    You O God have never left

Forever still, merciful and kind

    Though unseen have guided my path

 ==================================

The Mirror of Man

More frightening, screaming place of awe

    This earth, this dirt a cruel place to be born

For we travel, humans, through this fateful life

    As always strive for more, nevertheless forlorn.

But ahh, we grasp at things known and unknown,

    And find that fatefully we live as men of scorn

I gaze in the mirror for the face of faith

    But only a shadow's future ruining in decay

My hope dashed and gone as a wisp in the wind

    Days of running and turning finally back as they

Perhaps to seek a Savior who seeks me

    That today He found a soul adrift, this very day

The despair of man, now defeated

    Nights of hopelessness never to lament

My God who descends so low to meet me

   My journey starts to soberly repent

I gaze in the mirror at the face of faith

    My Jesus, living, loving, magnificent.

May 2023

The glint in my eye

The glint in my eye that precious Jesus comes someday                                                                 

The glint on my hand found in work and in play

The glint in the moon, as I write, in shadows of gray

The glint on the road finds paths of dismay

The glint of my sin will send me to hell they say

The glint of forgiveness, these sins, thrown far away

The glint in my soul found longing to repay

The glint in my heart knows there is no way

The glint of God's mercy so loving and aye

The glint of heaven's jewels and gold on display 

For the glint of hope that my precious Jesus comes today

May 2023

My wife My Love

Against the sun our Love fades as parched paper

Against the moon our Love hides in the shadows

Has our Love gone like an old song long forgetten

Struggling to sieze that fierce love again

We grasp but like a mist, is gone in an instant.

How, how can I find the unsearchable longing,

The passion as a furious ocean is gone forever.

Why, why has my love so much diminished.

But the love of Christ formidable still

Heavens bounty like sheets of cooling rain

Has given my the joy of loving

Loving Christ always and forever

Ahh how can I not love my wife.

My precious joy, my intimate affection

Against the sun our Love brilliant still

Against the moon our Love uncovered thrill

The Glory of God

We fight for our 

 

Death's Door

Death's door swings open wide

For we  to enter our feet to slide

On the far side of the vale we find

Young and old, short and tall all in line

Our journey through life full of despair

Toiling with hands of work to repair

Sickness approaches at every turn

Another  simple breath we fail to earn

At times or two we live so joyous

A baby born, a wedding glorious

Strolling through fields of amber grain

Skipping through puddles in a Spanish rain

A delicate balance of lows and highs

Falling, stumbling, then reach for the sky

How can we live in a world so indifferent

At every turn, men so belligerent

Heavy is death's door, slightly tinted

The wood, antique with shards so wilted

Many is the soul that passed this way

Never to return forever and a day

The door now leisurely closing

One final gasp haplessly disclosing

That we cannot stop it unto the end

Eternity in hell or heaven for us to spend

The choice we see so very clear

To decide when alive, cowering in fear

The right decision forever more

Oh stop! Creaking, closing relentless door 

The final glimpse of life for us to peek

A few inches more as tears fall from our cheek

Has the tempting harlot seized our very soul

Our lives without regard to the One, oh so foul

The door now shut, not with a slam

But the quiet, sighing hush of a lamb

A lifelong journey between love and hate

On the vale's other side we await our fate

july 2023

=========================

Sexual lust my heart strives for

    Forgetting God in my mind and soul

I try and turn but want much more

    Falling, stumbling, a night so foul

But like David whose sin so dire

    Sought to find God's grace again

Inevitable  consequence, a blazing fire

    Can't escape the unending, wrenching pain 

        

In Progress....

Praise Him, Praise the Father Praise the Spirit,

    All things should give glory to All,

But our hearts are fallen and sinful

     Because of Adams gigantic fall

So we praise discreetly thoughtful 

    And through our life and to the grave we shall    

From Belgic    

    as much as we need in this life,

        for God's glory

        and for our salvation

            ** God gets the glory yet he saves us...

ineffable

immorality

bitter passion

disobedience

he paid back what he had not stolen

renders believers perfect forever

Christ is not enough is greatest blasphemy against God

brother and sisters all over the world

Pure Doxology

How I love God so, 

Why? Because of his Son who came to save

I don't deserve such love because I'm a great sinner destined for hell, 

but out of His mercy He saves

So what can I do but give thanks, profusely

And give glory to Him always. Soli Deo Gloria!

Shall I begrudge other Christians of their doxology?

Forgive me for thinking myself so highly.

What is doxology - a word or song of praise. 

Why is doxology important - to praise God without ceasing! Always! Forever!

A Calvinist is know for his Doxology.

CS Lewis Quote

"For my part, I tend to find the doctrinal books often more helpful in devotion than devotional books, and I rather suspect that the same experience may await others.  I believe that many who find that 'nothing happens' when they sit down. or kneel down, to a book of devotion would find that the heart sings unbidden while they are working through a tough bit of theology with a pipe in their teeth and a pencil in their hand. "

Sometimes devotions are only something to get through from. Read and done

Thank you Lord for allowing me to worship you and love you.

Let my ears hear and eyes see in all, Doxology. 

Lord, a major disappointment not keeping the class.  My fault! For we know all things work together for Your good according to Your will for those who Love You!  Amen!

But Your love is so wonderful, glorious, unending, crazy, unbelievable, perfect. My diploma was sent to me last week (03/12/22)

missionfrontiers.org

423communities.org

Dort - justice and mercy kiss in the cross of Christ.

TBA - Trust in the Lord with all your heart.., Be anxious for nothing.., For we know ! that All things

work together for good...

==================================================================

2025 - December - A tough year, healthwise.  A lot of issues for friends and family members.

But in all my Jesus has  become even bigger!

Christmas Songs

What Child is this

Rock around the Christmas tree

Let it snow

We wish you a Merry Christmas

Feliz Navidad

have yourslef a Merry Little Christmas

All I want for Christmas is You

What a glorious night  -Sidewalk prophets

How Many Kings

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

Into the Silent Night

Christmas Offering



GOLIVE
Joy to the World/Unspeakable Joy
Rockin Around the Christmas Tree
Have A Holly Jolly Christmas
O Come All Ye Faithful (Rock-3rdDay)
Angels We Have Heard On High (Josh Wilson)
Hark The Herald Angels Sing
Christmas Offering
Its the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
Let It Snow
Jingle Bells
What A Glorious Night
Feliz Navidad

DIY

Ramboard floor covering

Paddle mixer

purple delicate release tape

bondo all-purpose putty

backer rod

Vanity 

Remove silicone  replace with Latex caulking

tsp cleaner

sanding 60 grit  (rough up glossy surface)

Tape around area to be sprayed

Bonding primer (thin layer)

even thin coat

grey undercoat (2x)

stone spray

clear expoy

Glossy ultimate top coat

Coffee Table

white, brown, little bit of blue earth mica, copper mica and touch of diamond dust

Thin coat of Bonding Primer

    Let dry for 20-30 minutes

Black Epoxy undercoat

    Sand lightly

Make a tape dam

Stone Coat Epoxy

    1:1 ratio 

    Pour part B first

    Then pour part A

    mix 2 minutes with paddle mixer

    

Get 5 different dyes

    liquid additives and crystals

    mix in clear cups with epoxy

    mix well with wooden stirrers

  

Pour all colors into large bucket

    Random pour

    DO NOT MIX OR STIR

    Pour down sides for cool looks

Pour extra left over epoxy from cups on table to even out

Pour multi-color epoxy side to side

Use Heat Gun to remove air

Leave tape dam a few hours after pouring

    3 hours

Remove tape dam - pull down and away

Use your finger to break surface tension of sides so the epoxy will flow down.

Spiritual Diary

JM 20220203 - did not say much, did pray with dave ed and scott which was nice.

Disagreed with so many things. ... All things work together for good is trite.  but if that's the only thing you can hang on to then it's very good.  A maturity that's beyond comprehension., Need to work at relationships - but upwards relationship with God more important?, Claude asked help of a pastor, pastor rejected PJ said that's really bad. almost condemning but do not hear the other side.  Methinks that Claude was being a pain and the pastor had other things to do.

JM 20220210 - said a bunch of things - hopefully helped but can't help wonder if it's going in one ear and out the other.

Ed shared, Paul shared, Scott shared.  Jeremy talked too much about himself.  I'm thinking of the maturity level of the men.  (What about me!!!)  Sorry Lord, maybe too holier than thou! 

I also wonder about the climate/culture of the group.  Almost having problems is a badge of courage.

Men are willing to share their downtrodden life but to what purpose? Is it a release for them. I don't see any benefit to us who listen. Even Pastor John seem to bring up the muck and mire that we are in.  But they are stuck there, and I think they have been stuck there for a long time. LORD help me to pray for these men, that they see growth and maturity in You and Through You.

JM 20220303 - Fatherhood - Claude and Paul told about their experiences in their school,  how the kids are just out of control. Disrespectful.  Thought about how the church has fallen down in their responsibility in teaching the next generation. Is it the church's fault?

Efrain shared about his time in the ministry.  About being criticized.

I shared this time and Pastor John thanked me for sharing.

JM 20220310 - Integrity - good talk table of what's consequence of good integrity and consequence of bad integrity.  Paul wanted prayer for his baby.  I guess it's ok.

JM 20200317 - Tongue - Efrain brought some tongue tacos.

PJ shared a chart that had Compassion and Honesty where honesty goes from seen to the unseen to Jesus doing the Fathers will.  He said that the Honesty/Truth side is doctrine and is not as important as the other side - Compassion.  I told him that for me doctrine has made me so close to God and my love for him has grown exponentially along with love for the Son.

Hmm don't know.  again preaching to the choir.  Maybe put PJ on the defensive.

Also instead of being angry or indifferent to the men, maybe feel sorry for them. Maybe pray more for them, pray more for my interaction. Help Lord to convey my Love for you.  I'm sure they love you the same.  Who am I to think that I'm so much better than them?  Just hope they have the same zeal and want-to to learn about God.

JM 20200324 - Perseverance (on call)

JM 20200331 - Church / Giving - Talked more than any time else.  Got a bunch off of my chest.

PJ said that the most important thing is relationship in the church.  I said I don't agree.  I said that teaching the Gospel and solid Biblical doctrine is key.  If your relationship vertically is sound, then the horizontal relationships will take care of themselves.  Also said RC's quote about teaching at an 8th grade level.  I said that I understand that the teaching has to cater to both new Christians and mature Christians.  But we as Christians have to learn more about God apart from sermons.

JM 20220407 - 

Hmm interesting meeting.  PJ was gone so Jeremy was leading.  Talked a lot. 

Challenged men to be men of conviction.  I asked them if I were to ask their wives where there was no repercussions and the husband will not know.  what would they say about him.  I told them that I told PJ to ask my wife or ask my kids how I am.  If they ask do I love Jesus, they would say Yes.  If they ask am a good husband or father, they may hesitate.  Then we we talked about sin. A lot of guys were focusing on their sin and lamenting over it.  I said that Yes, we sin it's a part of our nature from original sin from Adam.  But I said don't forget who we are,  don't forget about the Gospel. That Christ died for our sins once and for all, Our past, present and future sins have been absolved.  Then they started asking questions about my faith.  How do you get faith.  I told them that it comes with maturity.  You have to live a life long enough to go through numerous trials to exercise your faith, With each victory you faith get stronger.  I started feeling uncomfortable. Who am I to answer these questions? Hopefully the Holy Spirit spoke through me...

Patrick texted: Thank you for a wonderful group last night.  The spirit was certainly stirring!: Erick texted: It was really good!! Amazed by what the Lord did last night.

JM 20220415 - 

Only 6 men showed up.  Good meeting.  Shared about equally yoked with wife.  Told them about moving our ego out of our way to have a more loving relationship with your wife.  Also witnessing, They all laughed when I told them "You know I'm a Calvinist", but I told them that we are elect and God has appointed persons to be saved.  So we can do what we can but God will not be thwarted, I don't do it, someone else will.  Patrick shared at the end of the meeting that he really appreciated what I shared last week.  Nice.  Always pointing to Jesus > God.

JM 20220505 - Just a few men Dave, Paul, Claude, Me, Efrain. Jeremy led. Topic was Discipline in Ministry and Discipline in Discipline. We talked about Ministry most of the time, Paul and Claude spoke about their struggles.  Claude did say some things that surprised me.  He knows more about theology than he lets on. Prayed for the men who weren't there.  Scott was missing, PJ was not there (Covid). It looks like Chris bailed out

JM 202205/13 - Only 7 men (PJ, Dave, Scott, Paul, Efrain, Jeremy, me).  Great ribs from Lucille. They had beef ribs.  We had a round robin exhorting and praising fellow JM. Dave - great hospitality servant always willing to help.  Scott - how much he has grown spirtually from initial study with him and Suzanne to now. Paul - how he willing to share every week, his problems and issues and how he seems to rise above them.  Efrain - how he struggles with ministry, told him to persevere because there are not enough good pastors out there. Jeremy - told him he was a capable leader when PJ was gone. How he led but let us talk the previous weeks at Dave's house with Patrick and Paul asking questions.  Me - the praised me for not letting things go and make sure everything was correct.  Dave called me a berean.  PJ said that he valued me speaking in the group.  Paul said that when I got emotional talking about God he knows that I really love Him.  Efrain said don't remember.  Jeremy said that was kind of hesitant until I started to speak about God.  PJ - I told him how we was a man of character.  The last JM yeeay!!

Hi Men, don't text often but just a word... tomorrow is Easter Sunday, the day in which our faith hinges on.  I know that i probably sound like a broken record but remember who you are in Christ.  Forgiven from our sins past, present, future so we can stand blameless before a Holy God. How can we not live for Christ or fall on our face in adoration? Now we look to an empty tomb, redeemed and justified and well on our way to sanctification.  Hallelujah! 

What do I think about Joshua's men?

Don't ask:)

I wouldn't do it again, even if it was free.

There wasn't in-depth study of the chapters.  We didn't do a deep dive into the reading.  Just asked questions based on reading and relating to the men's experiences.

It seemed that there was one thing that prohibited the men from a true deep relationship with Christ. Men were being patronized and babied.  There was no kick in the pants.

The retreat should have been at the end where guys new each other and less posturing and more friendship.

Jeremy still needs maturity in leading a group.  Talked too much about himself and his experiences. He didn't facilitate as well as he could have.

My time would have been better spent studying on my own or hanging out with Donna.

Talked more about individual problems than giving glory to God.

Didn't know my place in this group? Kinda like a fish out of water.

05/03/2022 - In a disjointed space last couple of weeks. Is it because there is no men's meeting?  Is it because missing church?  Is it because losing faith? Feeling not close to God.  Kind of tired of studying.  Listening to Christian music though, Still praising and worshiping God.  But definitely not on a mountain top.  Still trying to be faithful.  Still believing in God's covenant promise. Wonderful Donna is still at it.  Listening, studying and moving forward.

20220507 - Straight Ahead - Partnered with Kathleen.  Met the guys for the first time.  I was surprised that they talked a lot.  Didn't have to draw words out of them.  Some had great insight.  Initial prayer was the Lord's Prayer.  Kathleen said that I need to lead next time.

20230316 - Straight Ahead - did the 3 day Ready for Life with Scott Larson and Jason ?  Wrestling with God. Having thoughts of what I am doing and what I want to do... wanting to tell the kids more about the Gospel and to talk more about being righteous.  The Holy Spirit won't leave me alone... I can't sleep.  Why is God doing this to me? Regurgitating the Gospel. Almost like trying to convince myself of God's magnificence. LEAVE ME ALONE, (not really), let me sleep.

20230411 - Opted out of Straight ahead.  Kathleen sent out an email telling us that it would be better to go to Sundays (every Sunday), because the staff is overworked and it would better for them for Straight Ahead to visit on Sundays.  In my heart, I know that Sundays would be tough. Because of Donna's permanent day off and we usually have get-together's on Sundays. Dave and Kathleen said they were sorry that I opted out.  The gave heartfelt praises for my involvement.  Now more than ever Romans 8:28.  What am I feeling... hurt, I think I need not apologize in preaching the Good News to the kids.  Had a great relationship with them. I will always remember their smiling faces. " For we know that all things work together for good to all those who love God and are (the) called according to His purpose.  In all things, You get all the glory. A new chapter; what will my Lord require of me.

 

20230420 - Straight Ahead. Sent my plan of what I was going to do at SMYC

Muslim, Ephesians 2:8, "After getting out" activity.
Kathleen answered that it wasn't a good idea to do any of the above.
She wanted to go by the book.
I was upset but did not reply.

20230422 - Straight Ahead
Dave sent out the study for Saturday (Money)
Went with Scott. Modified my plan. Substituted Muslim with the Money study from the book.
Scott led the "After getting out" activity.
Had a meeting with Kathleen and Dave after meeting and voiced my concerns
She said that the book had to be followed.  I said I follow the book but I need
to enhance or modify the book.  We will pray about it.  God knows what is in my heart.

But it seems like I want them to fire me.  I gave the an ultimatum (kind of).  I said that I know that Kathleen needs to protect the ministry and that I can't be going off like a Lone Ranger and doing stuff on my own.  We'll see. Kind of unsettled right now.  But in all God gets all the glory!!

2024 May - Aug 11 - Grace Valley Christian Reformed Church
We started attending this church after a long time away from Summit Ridge.  Researching the doctrines of the church, the followed the Belgic Confession, Heidelberg Catechism and the Canons of Dort. Sounds good.
The pastor, Pastor Ralph Mack was a tall black man with a commanding voice.
The preaching was refreshing, no opinions, just the Word of God.
But he mentioned that they were reformed but not very conservative, just middle of the road reformed.  He also mentioned that they had a woman elder. (The other elder was a man, Denny).
I knew in scripture (1 Timothy and Titus) that an elder/pastor/overseer is a man.  But I was satisfied with the rest of the church where the congregation was really friendly and down to earth.  Donna was also enjoying the church.  Another important aspect was that they had communion once a month. 
We had been going and tithing faithfully for several weeks.  Until the first week of August where we were invited to take membership classes.  At this point we were sent packets of homework to be filled out and then talk about in class.
I read the commitment page where we affirm all the doctrines and bylaws of Grace Valley.  This gave me great pause, knowing that scripture does not support women elders.  I could not in good conscience commit to this church that goes against scripture.  They also use the Apostles Creed for their communion liturgy, and I don’t agree with the phrase hat Jesus descended into Hell (but this is a minor point).
So on August 11, before the 2^nd membership class, I talked to Pastor Mack and voiced my concern.  He was disappointed but he knew that I could not go against my conscience.  Also, in the CRCNA Church Order, there was an addendum that said that each congregation can or cannot have women as elders or pastors.  This also gave me great pause. Donna and I will continue our study of Mark with Kim Riddlebarger and pray  that God lead’s us into a future church.

Pastor Ralph texted me a few weeks later to find out how Donna and I are doing.  Then he proceeded to tell me that the church has changed direction and that they no longer have women elders.  Glenda will now be part of the leadership team, but not practice being an elder.  I thanked him for letting me know.

I had breakfast with him and we talked about the issue.  Donna and I are now attending the church again.  I perceive that there are people there who are dismissive or hurt by our stance and that the leadership capitulated to our wants.  But like I told Paster Ralph, you can't put Sola Scriptura in your

statement of faith and not follow it.  And for me, Paul's admonition in Timothy and Titus is pretty clear. 

Donna was admitted to the hospital for Pneumonia so we missed a few services. Unfortunately, the woman was doing elder work again. So they say something but practice something else.

20250102 - Had prostate surgery.  All went well.  Dr. Ludlow said that the surgery was successful.

Pain was manageable on the surgery side, but the catheter was terrible.  It was painful and intrusive.

At the follow up, Dr. Ludlow said he excised the prostate cleanly, but to come back in 3 months after a PSA test, to see if there are any lingering cancer cells.

This got me to thinking.  I have been through a heart attack and stent, kidney stones, knee surgery, colonoscopy, now flirting with prostate cancer and had a prostatectomy and I no longer can have sex.

I have gone through, in my lifetime, what can happen to a man, health wise. Will I abandon my Faith in God or Jesus my Savior? Will my Faith be a matter of fact, ho - hum?

 

20250705 -0715 - Reformation Tour - Good and Bad.

Was awesome seeing where Martin Luther lived and all the towns that he was associated with. The
highlights - Wittenberg. The Luther museum next to his house(wonderful exhibits of his writings, personal items and Bibles. Erfurt was great. Donna loved the many cafes and the gelato ice cream.

Didn't have a chance to explore the Monastery where we stayed.

20251019 - Straight Ahead Ministry is doing well. Romans 1:16  is really taking effect.  How True!

2025October - Found a Lutheran Church (Shepherd of the Hills - Wels).  Liturgy is very refreshing. Teaching is right on.  Has repentance/absolution prayer.  Donna likes the church very much. Unfortunately Communion is closed.  Will talk with Paster Runke to see what are our options.  Also saw a Reformed Baptist church online.  Will visit if Shepherd of the Hills doesn't work out.

Faith 

Move to its own book.

==================================================================

Joshua's Men 2022

JM 20220203 - did not say much, did pray with dave ed and scott which was nice.

Disagreed with so many things. ... All things work together for good is trite.  but if that's the only thing you can hang on to then it's very good.  A maturity that's beyond comprehension., Need to work at relationships - but upwards relationship with God more important?, Claude asked help of a pastor, pastor rejected PJ said that's really bad. almost condemning but do not hear the other side.  Methinks that Claude was being a pain and the pastor had other things to do.

JM 20220210 - said a bunch of things - hopefully helped but can't help wonder if it's going in one ear and out the other.

Ed shared, Paul shared, Scott shared.  Jeremy talked too much about himself.  I'm thinking of the maturity level of the men.  (What about me!!!)  Sorry Lord, maybe too holier than thou! 

I also wonder about the climate/culture of the group.  Almost having problems is a badge of courage.

Men are willing to share their downtrodden life but to what purpose? Is it a release for them. I don't see any benefit to us who listen. Even Pastor John seem to bring up the muck and mire that we are in.  But they are stuck there, and I think they have been stuck there for a long time. LORD help me to pray for these men, that they see growth and maturity in You and Through You.

JM 20220303 - Fatherhood - Claude and Paul told about their experiences in their school,  how the kids are just out of control. Disrespectful.  Thought about how the church has fallen down in their responsibility in teaching the next generation. Is it the church's fault?

Efrain shared about his time in the ministry.  About being criticized.

I shared this time and Pastor John thanked me for sharing.

JM 20220310 - Integrity - good talk table of what's consequence of good integrity and consequence of bad integrity.  Paul wanted prayer for his baby.  I guess it's ok.

JM 20200317 - Tongue - Efrain brought some tongue tacos.

PJ shared a chart that had Compassion and Honesty where honesty goes from seen to the unseen to Jesus doing the Fathers will.  He said that the Honesty/Truth side is doctrine and is not as important as the other side - Compassion.  I told him that for me doctrine has made me so close to God and my love for him has grown exponentially along with love for the Son.

Hmm don't know.  again preaching to the choir.  Maybe put PJ on the defensive.

Also instead of being angry or indifferent to the men, maybe feel sorry for them. Maybe pray more for them, pray more for my interaction. Help Lord to convey my Love for you.  I'm sure they love you the same.  Who am I to think that I'm so much better than them?  Just hope they have the same zeal and want-to to learn about God.

JM 20200324 - Perseverance (on call)

JM 20200331 - Church / Giving - Talked more than any time else.  Got a bunch off of my chest.

PJ said that the most important thing is relationship in the church.  I said I don't agree.  I said that teaching the Gospel and solid Biblical doctrine is key.  If your relationship vertically is sound, then the horizontal relationships will take care of themselves.  Also said RC's quote about teaching at an 8th grade level.  I said that I understand that the teaching has to cater to both new Christians and mature Christians.  But we as Christians have to learn more about God apart from sermons.

JM 20220407 - 

Hmm interesting meeting.  PJ was gone so Jeremy was leading.  Talked a lot. 

Challenged men to be men of conviction.  I asked them if I were to ask their wives where there was no repercussions and the husband will not know.  what would they say about him.  I told them that I told PJ to ask my wife or ask my kids how I am.  If they ask do I love Jesus, they would say Yes.  If they ask am a good husband or father, they may hesitate.  Then we we talked about sin. A lot of guys were focusing on their sin and lamenting over it.  I said that Yes, we sin it's a part of our nature from original sin from Adam.  But I said don't forget who we are,  don't forget about the Gospel. That Christ died for our sins once and for all, Our past, present and future sins have been absolved.  Then they started asking questions about my faith.  How do you get faith.  I told them that it comes with maturity.  You have to live a life long enough to go through numerous trials to exercise your faith, With each victory you faith get stronger.  I started feeling uncomfortable. Who am I to answer these questions? Hopefully the Holy Spirit spoke through me...

Patrick texted: Thank you for a wonderful group last night.  The spirit was certainly stirring!: Erick texted: It was really good!! Amazed by what the Lord did last night.

JM 20220415 - 

Only 6 men showed up.  Good meeting.  Shared about equally yoked with wife.  Told them about moving our ego out of our way to have a more loving relationship with your wife.  Also witnessing, They all laughed when I told them "You know I'm a Calvinist", but I told them that we are elect and God has appointed persons to be saved.  So we can do what we can but God will not be thwarted, I don't do it, someone else will.  Patrick shared at the end of the meeting that he really appreciated what I shared last week.  Nice.  Always pointing to Jesus > God.

JM 20220505 - Just a few men Dave, Paul, Claude, Me, Efrain. Jeremy led. Topic was Discipline in Ministry and Discipline in Discipline. We talked about Ministry most of the time, Paul and Claude spoke about their struggles.  Claude did say some things that surprised me.  He knows more about theology than he lets on. Prayed for the men who weren't there.  Scott was missing, PJ was not there (Covid). It looks like Chris bailed out

JM 202205/13 - Only 7 men (PJ, Dave, Scott, Paul, Efrain, Jeremy, me).  Great ribs from Lucille. They had beef ribs.  We had a round robin exhorting and praising fellow JM. Dave - great hospitality servant always willing to help.  Scott - how much he has grown spirtually from initial study with him and Suzanne to now. Paul - how he willing to share every week, his problems and issues and how he seems to rise above them.  Efrain - how he struggles with ministry, told him to persevere because there are not enough good pastors out there. Jeremy - told him he was a capable leader when PJ was gone. How he led but let us talk the previous weeks at Dave's house with Patrick and Paul asking questions.  Me - the praised me for not letting things go and make sure everything was correct.  Dave called me a berean.  PJ said that he valued me speaking in the group.  Paul said that when I got emotional talking about God he knows that I really love Him.  Efrain said don't remember.  Jeremy said that was kind of hesitant until I started to speak about God.  PJ - I told him how we was a man of character.  The last JM yeeay!!

Hi Men, don't text often but just a word... tomorrow is Easter Sunday, the day in which our faith hinges on.  I know that i probably sound like a broken record but remember who you are in Christ.  Forgiven from our sins past, present, future so we can stand blameless before a Holy God. How can we not live for Christ or fall on our face in adoration? Now we look to an empty tomb, redeemed and justified and well on our way to sanctification.  Hallelujah! 

20251130 - Straight Ahead - 

This was the most intense day of my 5 years at Straight Ahead. It started with a few laughs, comparing Horoscopes / Zodiac to Proverbs.  Then went into hard questions, Initially questions about "Thou shalt not bear false witness" . Then we went on to the heavy stuff. Luke 14:25 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother... cannot be my disciple." They started saying that my mother is more important to me than God. God will be second to my mother.  Then I laid out my faith timeline.

Jesus... Donna .. Kids .... everyone else.  Then they questioned, "You mean you love your wife more than your kids?" I had to explain that it just hyperbole, that God/Jesus has to be pre-eminent in your life.  This was about 10 minutes of back and forth defending the passage.

Then we went into Matt 19:24 "easier for a camel to go through an eye of an needle ...". This was pretty self explanatory.  They all seem to get this.

Then the really tough stuff.  Samuel 15:1-3 "Destroy the Amalekites..put to death men women children infants ...". This really set them off.  They started questioning why God would do this.  They asked that the 6th commandment says "Don't Kill" yet God killed a whole nation.  Is He lying or contradicting Himself?  They asked about the infants going to heaven or hell?  They answered in an "election"way.

They said some will go to heaven and some will not.  I had to defend God's sovereignty (Romans 9)

Then we talked about hell. I told them about John Gerstner and his quote about we should rejoice if we see our parents in Hell.  Then I asked "would they be surprised if they didn't see me in heaven?"

Some said yes, some said no.  The ones who said no reasoned that they don't know me.  I told them "they're right!"  I could be preaching the Gospel to you today but be an axe murderer when I leave.

Don't take my word for it! I raised the Bible... research here.

Then they asked the ultimate question: "Why are you making it so hard for us to believe in God?"

I told them "because I was  laying a foundation for their faith, Brick by Brick.  Not straw, not sand, not wood. That when they're 25 or 35 or 45, that their faith will stand no matter what."

Lol, the guys who objected the most were the ones who prayed us out.